September 30, 2013

Thank you for all your prayers. I am so grateful when you think of me and pray for me. Jesus said I had to stay here a little longer at the Avenue, that He had something more for me to do here. I trust Him but am disappointed. I really did want to go home. The Dr. said “Two, possibly less, weeks.” I was thinking days so I said, “Bummer!!”, but I will try to stay focused on carrying my light for Him. He has been so good to provide me with a Christian therapist in both of the facilities I have been in. That is a real plus. Also I have made some really nice friends here. Many of them come here from out of town, so I may not see them again, but have really enjoyed being with them at meals and in therapy. I can highly recommend this place for therapy and recovery of all sorts. The most important thing in recovery, I think, is being upbeat and positive. The therapy room is a happy place with much joking and laughter. I loved being in there and usually stayed all morning. The nurses and the aides are also mostly jolly and pleasant. No wonder God wants us to work with a happy heart as if doing it for Him. It is definitely the very best way to conduct your life.

I wrote the above 10 days ago and somehow never got to finish. I worked hard and in one week, not two, I was told I could go home. I have been home since Friday. It was a trial under fire because both Melody, my downstairs live-in, and Jackie, my daughter, were to be out of town for the entire weekend. I was to be truly “home alone”. I was too grateful and also too stubborn to stay at the Avenue even one more day, so home I went. Thankfully, the Lord saw to it that I kept my head and didn’t do one thing without carefully looking to see that I had proper support before I tried to move at all.. Friday many friends stopped in and my home help came in the am and evening for an hour or two. Saturday was the same and on Sunday I even went to church. This morning was the climax of joy. I got up, got my coffee and had two hours with Jesus –no interruptions just perfect time praying and reading my Bible. THIS is what I have truly missed, My Coffee with Jesus.

Coffee jump starts my day. It gets me going every morning. It works on my metabolism and gets my physical body going for the day. I seem to need the caffeine, but I also love the great taste and the aroma. The enjoyment of a warm coffee mug in my hands gives me comfort and a feeling of well-being, the great taste makes my belly happy and the wonderful smell makes it all seem like perfection to my morning. This great treat for me has been missing every single morning for the last 8 weeks. I really missed it.

Having time with Jesus is my spiritual jump start. His presence as I pray assures me that everything will be ok today. The worries of last night about troubles in my family, or my country, or even in my culture; get put into perspective- actually put away on the shelf as I am assured once more that His promises are true and His presence is real. “All things work for the good for those who love Him” (Rom. 8:28) Jesus has my back.

That time in the morning has been missing and so a big lift in my life has also been missing. I need more than just a time in the morning to pray though. I need the continuous infusion of His strength and wisdom. I don’t need coffee all day to keep going, but I do need Jesus. He gives me hope, courage, patience and peace. He has my back but He also is my forerunner leading the way. I am so grateful to be home and back to having coffee with my Lord again

I remember sitting in the cottage looking out across the water. I can imagine Him crossing the water on that sparkling path the sun makes each morning. I never see His back, going away. How about that? I am blessed and grateful for “My Coffee with Jesus!”

September 17, 2013

I’m sorry it has taken me so long to write I have no excuse, especially since my days are long here in the rehab place and I find the hours so hard to fill. I have to confess to just letting age take over and to taking lots of naps. I wrote this the other day as I was getting a maintenance dose of chemo just to keep that old cancer spook away.

I am having my coffee with Jesus this am as I sit here in the Medina Hospital. It is really good coffee too because Jackie took the time to stop at Starbucks on the way over to get me. I’ve asked Jesus to be with me and I really feel His presence beside me as the healing poison drips in. I will have to have these treatments for at least one more year, but only once every three months and it is a light dose that only makes me tired, not nauseous or sick in any way. I marvel at the medical care I get..

I sit in a very comfortable lounge chair – feet up, pillows everywhere. They bring warm blankets to tuck around me and fuzzy socks to warm my feet. They even put them on for me. At my elbow is my coffee, peanut butter and cheese snacks, water and a dose of Tylenol just in case. In front of me is my very own TV set and beside me is a floor to ceiling window that looks out from the sixth floor over a lovely wooded area and blue, blue sky. I have a button to push for whatever I might need. I feel like a reigning queen. If it weren’t such a scary life threatening disease, it might make someone want it just for the pampering.

I am so fortunate though. Back at the rehab “Avenue” every precaution is taken to see that I don’t fall, catch any germs, am well fed, cleaned up body and bed, breathe well, and have the right exercise to make me well. They even have an entertainment director to help us keep from getting bored. It would seem like an ideal existence. Someone is here to help me get a Jacuzzi bath, scrub my head and back. and even rub lotion on my feet. They come in the wee hours of the night with a pain pill if I need it. Yet, I long to go home. I should revel in this existence, yet I chafe to get out. What a perverse creature I am. No matter what the gates are made of, if we are shut within them then it is a jail. I can’t wait to be free of this environment.

So, if creature comforts, being waited on hand and foot, and executive treatment aren’t enough to make me happy, then what is? What makes me happy and content? What do I long for most?
I watch the other inmates here. I call them inmates because they probably feel as imprisoned here as I do even though we are treated so well and are in really beautiful surroundings. They all long to leave and go home. Why? Home isn’t opulent usually. There are no servants waiting on ones’ every need or seeing to your health, well-being , or safety. Yet home is where all of us long to be.
Home is where we have to do for ourselves, make our own meals, clean up after ourselves and make our own comforts. Why do we want to be there? Because it’s where love is. Love is around us at home. Family is there, pets are there, our beloved is there. HOME–where love abides.

One little lady here reminds me every day of my own great fortune. She is a tiny woman, 90 years old with more years than she has pounds. She has the whitest hair of all and the sharpest mind. I wish I could give her what she longs for most – a family. She had no children, no grandchildren, hence no great grands either. She has one niece and one nephew and neither one is young anymore, both in their seventies and finding it hard to care for their aunt anymore. This little woman needs so much. I’ll bet she’d take most anything for the little arms that reach up for a hug, or for the big strong ones that reach down to give one. Those arms are more precious than any possession.

How I wish that kind of love for the little lady who is well cared for but who will never go home.
I wonder if she has Jesus’ arms to wrap around herself and give her warmth. The song says His arms are everlasting and I believe it. I pray for the everlasting arms of Jesus to keep you all warm in heart.

Love, Irma Jane

September 3, 2013

Hi to everyone,

Today I woke up early- 6 a.m.- and couldn’t go back to sleep. So, I situated myself in the lounge chair that Mark brought me from home. I asked the nurse for some hot water, dumped in my Starbucks VIA (pretty good stuff, really) and settled down with my “Daily Bread,” my Bible, my coffee and Jesus.

Today was the first time in six weeks that I felt I was really back to having coffee with Jesus. I haven’t had an opportunity to be undisturbed and communicate with Him. I felt alone and searching all the time. If I felt alone, guess who left? I think my time with Him was getting kind of “ho-hum” and God said, “You need to appreciate me more.” I am so very ashamed that it has taken a broken leg and all the pain resulting to make me appreciate my Lord. I don’t really believe that Jesus would put me through all this just so He would receive my appreciation. No way! However, I am convinced the He has used all these occurrences to work for good in my life and in others.

When I think of all the things I have learned and of all the repercussions of a broken leg on the people I have chanced to meet or even the people they have encountered, I have to be amazed at God’s marvelous hand. I’ve been so encouraged by other Christians I’ve met, or by all of you with your e-mails, cards, phone calls, or in-house calls. All these things have worked together to cement and strengthen my faith. The Lord is good. (That is the way one of my friends always ends her texts).

I am truthful when I say I am grateful for this experience. Really, I wouldn’t have missed this time in both the rehab places. Most of it is hard, some is hateful, some is extremely humiliating, but all is good for me. If this hadn’t happened, what would I have done all summer? I would, indeed, have loved to watch my great grandchildren play in the water and the sand. I would have loved being with my family all together. I would have loved to be there for my sister’s family to help them grieve her passing, I might have taken a ride on my ski-doo or gone for a float. Joys for me ,but not really beneficial for anyone else. I think God decided that since I was foolish enough to step in a deep hole, He would use my clumsiness to further my education. He wasn’t through with my usefulness yet, I had more to learn.

My experiences in two rehab facilities are priceless. I’ve had lessons to learn and people to meet. The biggest lesson of all is like St Paul’s. I think I have learned to be content in all situations (Phil. 4:1).

I can’t claim to be there yet. I complained just yesterday about being awakened at 4 in the am to take what the nurse said was a “belly pill”. Not a very satisfactory explanation and I think I am justified in demanding a better one. But still, I did manage to do it in a soft and gentle way. I am just grateful that God thinks I am worthy of working on just a little while longer. He still has something worthwhile for me to do.

I’ve learned so much about being patient, waiting for someone else to do for me. I’ve learned about time. Many things don’t have to be done RIGHT NOW! I’ve met some fantastic lovely people, both Christian and non, who are compassionate and caring individuals. They are hoping to serve good, if not God. I’ve met the owley ones and wondered what made them so crabby. I’ve tried to be cheery and nice and even sympathetic and been rebuffed severely. I’ve seen the truly unfortunate souls who just sit their lives away and then those who choose to be miserable and pass it on to all they meet.

I used to think joy was a choice. Now I’m not so sure. I’ve learned not to be so sure about anything. God knows everything but I know almost nothing. I’ve learned that too. To conclude, I have chosen to find joy in all things as much as I can. Jesus has enabled me to do that. I can greet each day with a glad heart and I can look at this whole episode as a wonderful learning experience. I’ll decide to do that.

I hope all of you are well and that you will have a fall season full of God’s blessings.

Love from Me, Irma Jane Fritz-Zager