April 16, 2012

“Practicing the Presence of God.” I saw this book title yesterday. I guess that’s what I’m doing here in “My Coffee with Jesus.” I’m trying to get close – to get real with Him. I’m trying to feel His presence.

It’s been one week. Do I feel closer? Is He a more real person to me? Only sometimes. Maybe I’m on the wrong track, trying to reduce Holy God to a companion, but I don’t really think so. He was close to His disciples. He ate, taught, loved and fellowshipped with them and with countless others like Lazarus and Mary and Martha. They knew Him as a close and loving person. I knew Him that way once—when I was in despair. Do I have to be desperate? Can’t I know Him in joy as well as sorrow?

I won’t give up. I seem kind of far away this a.m. Some mornings are like that. I going to say this is a typical Monday morning. Others have to go off to work but I can have Blue Mondays too.

I’m feeling a bit down today. 83 years has decimated my body and worn it out naturally and now the chemo is giving it another 83, I think. I’m very tired and don’t want to move. I think my brain is worn out and old too. Nevertheless, I will focus on Him whom I declare is my Savior.

I will concentrate on my blessings. I have a wonderful treat to go with my coffee – a sour cream cake donut and a perfect banana – not too ripe, not too green- I’m home in my own big old chair looking out at the huge blooms on my purple clematis. I’ll try again and invite Jesus to join me as I read my Bible and pray for all of you. Love you all. Irma Jane FritzZager