April 11, 2012

I get my coffee and to break the habit, I don’t even bring the paper in. I sit, much in the need of help. I ask Jesus to join me and imagine I feel His hand on my poor old bald head, giving me a blessing.

Losing my hair, eyelashes, and eyebrows has been the most humiliating of experiences.

My right leg is still numb from the hip replacement surgery—it feels like a wooden stump- my finger tips are numb from chemo. It feels like they are covered with leather and I am so clumsy with them. My fingernails are decimated from the chemo – brittle and cracked. I am falling apart naturally with age and now I am going in like a sheep to be sheared and willingly letting them fill me with a poison that ages me faster than I can describe. Where is my joy?

I am reminded that I no longer have the pain from a rotten hip joint, I have not had any nausea at all, my family has treated me like a queen as I go to their homes and then I get the most joyful thing of all. As Jensen leaves for school, he calls out, “Goodbye, Gramma, I love you!”

How wonderful is that? A fourteen year old, busy self-centered boy whose mind is mostly on baseball and getting out of homework, taking time to say goodbye to Gramma and tell her he loves her! My day is made joyful.

Jesus is faithful and He is here with me. Psalm 145:18, “The Lord is Near to all who call on Him.”